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    Archived pages: 799 . Archive date: 2014-05.

  • Title: Rachel's Musings | Sharing ideas and provocations on living single while happy. Reflecting on the social psychology of stereotypes and other cultural phenomena.
    Descriptive info: .. Rachel s Musings.. Sharing ideas and provocations on living single while happy.. Reflecting on the social psychology of stereotypes and other cultural phenomena.. Post navigation.. Older posts.. Another Mother s Day.. Posted on.. May 11, 2014.. by.. Rachel.. 1.. I wrote this poem for Mother s Day.. last year.. Sadly, things aren t looking any better this Mother s Day.. Climate disruption is now.. a reality of our lives.. and the.. atmospheric CO2 level.. has been hovering over 400 ppm for over a month.. And we (including myself!) seem to be stuck at partying on.. My mother is dying.. No, not the woman who gave birth to me.. The mother of all life.. The mother who is making this miracle possible.. She is dying.. And we are killing her.. Slowly.. Surely.. With our habits.. With our greed.. On this mother’s day.. let’s stop the charade.. and start the change.. for we all claim to love.. our mother.. let the love flow.. to change our lives.. We can save our mother.. when we act now.. and live a better world.. Posted in.. Poetry.. |.. Tagged.. 400ppm.. ,.. climate disruption.. Reply.. On the Move.. April 12, 2014.. The good girl doesn t live here anymore.. She moved away yesterday.. She got tired of all the supposed to s.. of doing what was expected of her.. So she packed up her bags.. and left a pile of dishes.. the floor dirty.. the laundry unfolded.. Nobody ever asked her what she wanted.. she always did what she was told.. often before it was spoken out loud.. She decided she had enough.. of that.. no more hiding behind a mask.. She is a bit lost now.. that there are no more rules.. She never learned how to figure out.. all her wants.. what gives her pleasure.. what helps her come alive.. She is ready for.. the adventure of living.. a life beyond the rules,.. the expectations.. Okay, so, she is scared.. terrified, really.. She doesn t know if anybody.. will ever love her again.. being this free.. She wonders, though,.. who it was they really loved.. given that she wasn t who they thought she was.. freedom.. good girl habit.. Misdiagnosed A Manuscript Review.. April 3, 2014.. Through the connection of a chronic illness while single, I had the opportunity to read.. Nika Beamon.. s manuscript of her forthcoming book Misdiagnosed: The Search for Dr.. House.. In this book, Nika chronicles her odyssey with the symptoms of a slew of diseases, which all turn out, in the end, be caused by one rare autoimmune disease, not the medical encyclopedic diagnosis most of her physicians had created.. She describes her often scary and life-threatening experiences that landed her in various emergency rooms in the New York City area.. She also recounts a slew of testing procedures she had to endure that often created more problems than they actually resolved in addition to all the side effects from taking medications that weren t treating the disease she actually had.. Her story is raising a lot of questions about the medical profession, especially the variety in the US, where doctors aren t willing to admit that they don t know something and continue looking.. Instead they throw yet another diagnosis, which all proved wrong, except, of course, the last one.. Part love-story, part journal of her medical odyssey, Misdiagnosed reads like a mystery story attempting to figure out what is going on with Nika s body.. It is a humbling, uncomfortable, and sometimes confusing read.. It is humbling to have a chronic illness that was easily diagnosed and almost always treated successfully when I compare my life to what Nika had to go through! She is incredibly tenacious both in her unwillingness to give in to the disease and in her search for a full diagnosis, which swings into full force only after her grandmother died.. Discomfort comes from the often vivid descriptions of Nika s symptoms from throwing up blood to fainting and invasive medical tests.. At some point, I started to skip the details because I had enough (although, again, that was humbling: Nika had to go through all this!).. Some of the side stories, such as her parents own illnesses, also seemed unnecessary as they didn t add anything to the unraveling of the mystery.. Confusing to me was her claim to be single Through most of her odyssey, she was accompanied by a boyfriend, Bryce.. Sure their relationship fell apart just when Nika thought it was time to marry (after 10 or so years) and it was strained by her illness and his infidelity.. And yet, Bryce went with her to a lot of medical procedures and emergency room visits.. He was there to take care of her.. After he left, she recounts one visit that a friend of hers helped her with.. Then she s back in a relationship with a man who takes care of her and sleeps with her.. Not what I would call single.. Although maybe this just calls into question the whole idea of single vs.. coupled.. Maybe it s time to abandon those labels!.. The book also raises other questions that Nika doesn t address in detail.. In addition to her boyfriends, her parents also took care of her.. What if she had been thousands of miles away from her parents like so many of us? Though the most disturbing question that kept going through my head, which Nika picks up a bit in her last chapter: What if she didn t have insurance? In a country where people remain untreated, go into bankruptcy if they do get treated, and sometimes die because they can t get the treatment they need, it is almost a luxury to have a chronic illness and have insurance.. In a lot of ways, Nika s book could serve as a wake up call: In  ...   condition.. It seems like I ve written on that.. before.. , though, without making a dent.. My thoughts shifted to Daniel Quinn s tribal ideas and somehow all of that landed me with an idea that I ve had for quite some time: A healing house collective.. I want to write about that, as scary as that is for me.. Quinn suggests that our way to collective survival requires us to move beyond civilization (also the title of.. one of his books.. ) by creating a culture based on tribes.. This tribal culture cannot be simply a return to the old ways, partly because most of us don t know how to live that way and partly because we have learned a few things through the experiment of civilization, which we might want to incorporate.. So, he calls on us to start forming tribes.. Exactly how those would look like, he doesn t say can t say, really though he provides us with the example of the circus and his own small work group.. Both examples point toward the central components: Tribes live and work together; as with a puzzle, every person s contribution to the whole is necessary for the whole to function properly.. This would probably counteract our sense of separation.. My.. vision.. of a healing collective seems to capture some of these ideas.. The healing collective brings together people to heal themselves and others by living and working together.. It also regenerates the soil through a permaculture-based food forest.. The collective is made up of healers, people who can run a business, and gardeners.. The collective works together by coordinating approaches to healing, which might include dance (to reintegrate the body) and learning skills.. With that typed, take a listen to this video I am experimenting with new ways of expressing myself, so have started to play around with videos.. In the.. first version.. , I sketch my vision a bit more formally.. This second version tries to tell more of a story.. And of course I forgot some things like that the healing collective tends to be filled with laughter, dance, play, and touch.. So I ll probably update the video at some point However, I am eager to hear reactions! So take a look/listen:.. Second version of my healing collective vision.. I realize that this vision I am articulating is still very sketchy, more like the draft of a draft However, maybe there s enough there for you to get inspired to join me in making this a reality? If so,.. please let me know.. ! And, of course, you can also contribute to this process by asking questions or making comments! I am sure this will be helpful in fleshing out this picture of a healing collective and maybe that ll help me produce a more compelling vision.. A partial list of people/skills needed for this collective:.. Healers of all forms: Physical therapists, massage folks, counselors, empaths.. Business folks: Strategists, finance folks (accountants and financiers), marketers.. Dance teachers.. Musicians so that we can dance!.. Carpenters and people who can repair things.. Gardeners.. Group workers: Facilitators, mediators, group process guides who help us resolve conflicts.. Diversity monitors: People who ensure that all the diverse voices are heard and included.. Artists who transform the space and help integrate left right brains.. Activism.. Healing tools.. Politics.. collaboration.. healing house.. Tara Brach.. Replies.. Pages.. About.. Über den Blog und Mich.. Contact.. Deutscher Blog.. My story as a Single.. My Vision.. Business (Ad)Ventures.. Academic Work.. Glossary.. How to Subscribe to RSS.. Healing Tools.. My Transition.. Transition Timeline.. Older Stuff.. Singles Manifesto.. Quote Collection.. Recent Posts.. Subscribe Via Email.. To Rachel's Musings.. To Singles By Choice only.. Recent Comments.. shira on.. Sara on.. Geoffrey MG on.. Rape, Trauma, and the Rewiring of the Brain.. Judy on.. Categories.. Select Category.. Academic.. Book review.. Community Building.. Dance.. Default.. Deutsch.. Feminism.. Fitness.. Humanism.. Lebensexperiment.. On research.. Philosophy.. Quick note.. Religion.. Science.. Transition.. Archives.. Select Month.. May 2014.. April 2014.. March 2014.. February 2014.. January 2014.. December 2013.. 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  • Title: Rachel's Musings | Sharing ideas and provocations on living single while happy. Reflecting on the social psychology of stereotypes and other cultural phenomena. | Page 2
    Descriptive info: Newer posts.. Belief Burn.. February 27, 2014.. As I am building my.. empowerment coaching business.. , I often feel overwhelmed, lonely, and scared.. I try to reach out to others only to be met with resistance, possibly because others are just as scared and don t feel comfortable admitting it.. I am starting to learn that there are certain beliefs that trigger my fear and undermine my confidence.. I find it helpful to write down the thoughts.. Often bringing them out into the open like that is enough for me to be able to let them go.. So, here s what I came up with (click on the thumbnail to see the full picture):.. Yes, You are not good enough! is on both lists.. Today, that didn t seem to be enough, though.. I realized that I can do something similar to my.. worry burn.. : It was time to burn these beliefs.. I wrote each one on individual pieces of paper:.. And then burned them, saying the words (with the most potent belief as the example): The belief You are not good enough! is undermining my confidence / triggering my fear.. It has got to go.. Fire burn it! As I dropped it into the water, I would say Water dissolve it!.. Once they were.. all burned.. , I flushed them down the toilet!.. Of course, I know that this doesn t really destroy my beliefs.. Sweat glands produce sweat; minds produce thoughts.. This is a ritual reminder, though, that I can let go of them.. I don t have to believe everything I think!.. habit thinking.. self-worth.. shame.. What to do?!?.. February 8, 2014.. I ve started reading.. SHAM.. , a book by Steve Salerno about the self-help and actualization movement.. Even though I knew it would likely exasperate the crisis that s been brewing in me, I also knew that I have to read it.. I haven t even made it through the introduction yet and it s clear to me that this book articulates the things I haven t wanted to hear nor wanted to admit and still knew somewhere.. Essentially, the self-help and actualization movement is attempting to solve systemic problems through individual solutions with the nice side-effect that the problems aren t resolved, which turns them into cashcows for the gurus, healers, life coaches etc of the sham.. It s a billion dollar industry and, just like the alternative medicine world, claims to be alternative when in reality they operate pretty much on the standard model: Make something normal into a disease and charge (lots of) money to fix it.. Take for example self-worth, the holy grail of self-help.. Personally, I have spent countless hours and dollars on growing my sense of self-worth only to keep falling back into the hole of self-doubt.. I have wondered about it.. here lots of times.. It wasn t until I read.. Eva Illouz.. that I started to understand why I kept doubting my self-worth: I live in a society that mirrors that I am worthless at least now that I no longer follow the rules of the married, contributing adult member of society.. I am not worthy to receive free health care.. I am not worthy to receive a basic income guarantee.. Only people who are destroying the planet and ripping us all off seem.. worthy of such support.. In other words, or the words of sociology, there is no social mirroring of my worth and as long as that is not there, my sense of self-worth will remain shaky.. To give a simpler example for this: Today, in a dance class, I kept berating myself for not dancing well enough, noticing that I was judging myself, and talking back at the judgments.. It helped some but essentially I kept going in circles.. Then the teacher asked us to briefly dance with other people, maybe 3-5 during a song, and smile at each other.. Those smiles evaporated my self-judgments! After that exercise, I was able to concentrate on the class rather than my inner conflict.. The smiles had done what I wasn t able to do for myself: They affirmed that I was okay, that I belonged in the class even when I didn t do things perfectly.. Or take all those courses offered to wanna be social change agents.. They promise us to make money while we change the world not admitting that.. money is part of the problem.. ! And if we want community, maybe all of us competing with each other to get some of that shrinking pie might not be that great of an idea either.. (As I pointed out.. , the people who are making money are the people who are telling others how to make money doing what we love In other words, they re not the change agents!).. And typing of money: I still remember the despair I felt when someone had asked me for empathy because she had trouble making a living as a writer (following her bliss doing what she loved ).. She doesn t need empathy! She needs a.. basic income guarantee.. !.. As a last example, the central idea of SHAM is problematic.. As Charles Eisenstein pointed out in.. Money Life.. , we re turning more and more relationships into services.. Instead of a friend listening to my worries, I pay a counselor.. It s like a mother charging her infant for breast-milk!.. All of this, then, has sharpened a dilemma I identified  ...   newer relationships.. And, after my friend reached back not just with a text but with a call when he realized the impact on me, I am watching how my mind is trying to discount that, to have me forget this, file it away as something he did out of guilt not care.. All in the attempt to avoid acknowledging that you are not lovable, your aren t good enough isn t The Truth, it s just a story I learned growing up in a society that teaches this to almost everybody.. It also would prevent that shared history from being build, the trust created.. Fortunately, I am able to see this as more ego-action.. As reading in Cheri Huber s.. book.. reminded me: Ego does what it can to maintain itself.. Trusting my own lovability is the end of you are not lovable, so anything that would confirm my lovability is dismissed.. Maybe with all these reminders and insights, another part of me will remember!.. friendship.. Dancing through Change.. January 16, 2014.. When I first started participating in the.. Anar Dana Bay Area project.. , I was super excited.. It seemed that I finally was becoming a dancer.. Then I noticed that I wasn t doing the.. daily practice.. that I had put together for myself even though it would only be 15-20 minutes long.. I was, however, still doing belly dance drills and other.. daily exercises.. What was the difference?.. It took me quite a while to figure that one out.. One daily practice was pure fun and the other seemed like a chore.. Anar Dana leads to a performance, which somehow upped the ante so much for me that it was no longer fun.. Aside from struggling with changing directions by withdrawing from the project, I also started questioning if I am really a dancer when I am not willing to expose myself to the pressure of a performance and its preparation.. It is sad to me that the environment that seems to be created around such performances is filled with stress, including that from the pressure to be perfect.. Although it might not be intentionally created, it seems to be there.. I want to share dance in a way that is connecting and fun where the dancers are showing the joy of dance, which includes making mistakes and recovering from them.. I see performances, if one can call them that, as something that happens in the community, not on a stage.. I am guessing that this makes me a person who dances rather than a dancer.. And then I wonder why this bothers me so much.. I don t know (yet, maybe).. I find it fascinating how much my journey is bringing up about our culture, about how I relate to dance, and ultimately about what kind of a world I would like to live in.. I would enjoy living in a world where everybody dances rather than a few people perfecting moves they show off on a stage!.. community.. perfectionism.. Growing Hair.. January 14, 2014.. 9.. I decided to let my hair grow longer.. Except for a few years, most recently over 20 years ago, my hair has been short, sometimes very short.. More recently, I had already started letting it grow a little bit, so I decided to give it a try after all, I am living my life as one big experiment.. That was a couple months ago and I am getting into the phase of hair growth where it looks very, well, awful.. The old cut is way overgrown no matter how I style it.. Originally, that decision was part of an exploration to be part of a dance program, which made that decision philosophically intriguing, at least for me.. It seemed like long hair was part of becoming a dancer.. What does that have to do with becoming a dancer? Exactly that s the question I ve been asking myself over the last few days! It seems that most female dancers have long hair.. Hair is even sometimes part of a dance.. Having.. studied stereotypes.. extensively, I am asking myself if I am simply buying into a stereotype: Real women dancers have long hair or turned around, unless I have long hair I am not a real dancer.. That brings up all of my self-doubt around becoming a dancer in my mid-40s: Can I even do that? Am I just being presumptuous claiming that I am.. becoming.. a dancer, which implies that at some point, I will.. be.. a dancer? Aren t dancers young, skinny women with fantastic posture? Talk about stereotypes.. So, I plug along despite these doubts, pin my hair up as best as I can, and practice dancing.. hair.. stereotypes.. The Real Update.. December 17, 2013.. 2.. Maybe writing the update yesterday with its upbeat tone rattled up a few things because today I woke up feeling discombobulated, not really sure what the word actually means, though somehow it captured how I was feeling: Confused with a tinge of sadness.. Then I had a conversation with a friend where I shared that I have an almost always present money-anxiety ( how am I going to earn money?!? ) that is most of the time accompanied by shame around using up savings to live right now ( you should save that money!!! just go back to work! ).. My friend responded that she thinks we re living in a slave society.. Click here to continue reading.. choices..

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  • Title: Another Mother’s Day | Rachel's Musings
    Descriptive info: Share this post with others:.. permalink.. Comments.. 1 Comment.. shira.. on.. May 11, 2014 at 11:47 am.. said:.. i love how this poem starts with such a powerful personal jolt that made me hold my breath and kept that personal immediacy throughout!!!!.. Reply.. Leave a Reply.. Cancel  ...   are marked.. *.. Name.. Email.. Website.. Comment.. You may use these.. HTML.. tags and attributes:.. a href= title= abbr title= acronym title= b blockquote cite= cite code del datetime= em i q cite= strike strong.. Notify me of followup comments via e-mail.. Bitte benachrichtige mich bei weiteren Kommentaren..

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  • Title: Rachel | Rachel's Musings
    Descriptive info: Author Archives:.. I wrote this poem for Mother s Day last year.. Climate disruption is now a reality of our lives and the atmospheric CO2 level has been hovering over 400 ppm for.. She got tired of all the supposed to s of doing what was expected of her So she packed up her bags and left a pile of dishes the floor.. Through the connection of a chronic illness while single, I had the opportunity to  ...   book, Nika chronicles her odyssey with the symptoms of a.. The.. As I watch you sleep I wonder what is your story? How did you end up sleeping on two seats in a train with your bare and dirty feet hanging out? You must be very tired being able to sleep.. I was going to write a post about my insights from a talk that Tara Brach gave about Healing Self-Doubt.. What I understood this morning, though,..

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  • Title: Happy Mother’s Day? | Rachel's Musings
    Descriptive info: Open Letter to President Obama.. Climate Solutions.. Happy Mother s Day?.. May 12, 2013.. On this mother s day.. let s stop the charade.. when we.. act now.. 2 Comments.. May 13, 2013 at 9:11 am.. i also feel deep grief when i read about the origins of mother s day as women s protesting war and demanding peace.. as well as remembering how hard the struggle is along with that for women s rights and the great sacrifices made by the activists and still being made by all activists for peace and for equality and human dignity.. they, and  ...   struggle behind us and ahead.. i grieve for all that, for the suffering that s likely to continue in this situation.. so, yes, this is a serious and profoundly human subject, not confined only to sentimentalizing mothers traditionally limited role.. May 13, 2013 at 9:39 am.. Thank you for tying this to the.. origins of Mother s Day.. , Shira! I also think that the way mother Earth is treated reflects how we disregard women (and vice versa), after all women are stereotyped as more connected to nature and all that, so they, too, need to be conquered and controlled..

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  • Title: Poetry | Rachel's Musings
    Descriptive info: Category Archives:.. Bodies.. October 13, 2013.. There must be something terrifyingly dangerous about hugs for I learned not to hug especially not men.. What makes them so dangerous that I learned to avoid them like the plague? Especially when I want more than a hug.. Is.. With.. Trying to Understand.. February 27, 2013.. When you walk around with those bags filled with designer clothes you don t really need do you not see that man sleeping in the doorway? When you drive to buy a bargain halfway across town don t you realize what it..

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  • Title: 400ppm | Rachel's Musings
    Descriptive info: Tag Archives:.. Climate Solutions.. May 14, 2013.. 4.. I ve been mulling over this post for a few days now.. Ever since atmospheric CO2 has surpassed 400 ppm for the first time in 800,000 years, it s clear that we re in trouble.. We gotta change our ways or else Well,.. May 10, 2013.. 6.. I have a comment about our future.. Today, atmospheric CO2 has reached 400 ppm for the first time in 800,000 years.. That is not something to celebrate.. If we do not  ...   to the idea of interconnectedness.. It sounds good, for one.. And, yet, we don t seem to understand the depths of what this means.. If we did, we wouldn t be in this collective ecological-economic-social mess we re in.. cultural trauma.. Earth Day.. April 22, 2013.. Today is Earth Day.. Whatever that means.. Atmospheric CO2 is at a new high almost at 400 ppm.. It s as if all the environmental work has fallen on closed ears.. And it probably has.. Clearly, our current comforts are..

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  • Title: climate disruption | Rachel's Musings
    Descriptive info: Open Letter to Obama.. November 12, 2013.. Spurred on by a friend, I decided to send a letter to President Obama.. Although I am doubtful of its effect, there is a tiny kernel of hope that if we just shout louder, maybe we can out-shout the sound.. Fukushima.. Obama..

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  • Title: On the Move | Rachel's Musings
    Descriptive info: Another Mother s Day.. April 13, 2014 at 8:45 am.. hey great!! it represents so many of us, in times of growth and change.. and reminds me of the world of rigid rules that bears down on us, so that we have to break the chains to breathe..

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  • Title: freedom | Rachel's Musings
    Descriptive info: Maybe writing the update yesterday with its upbeat tone rattled up a few things because today I woke up feeling discombobulated, not really sure what the word actually means, though somehow it captured how I was feeling: Confused with a.. More on Dissonance.. December 19, 2012.. In my poem on inner and outer dissonance, i was trying to capture something that i had still trouble articulating.. Being born into the wrong life didn t quite express what i was sensing and probably was too jarring to get.. dissonance.. The Left.. Inner and Outer Dissonance.. November 15, 2012.. I was born into the wrong life: Unconventional ideas with a  ...   courage to live it.. I got a.. Worry Burn.. November 7, 2012.. Last night, before watching the U.. S.. election returns, i noticed that i was worrying about things in my life incessantly.. I know, at least intellectually, that worry too often does us no good because it sends us into a mental.. letting go.. Good girl and radical grrl.. October 26, 2012.. 7.. A commentator to my latest I am tired of poem encouraged me to practice going against the norms with the caveat of nothing illegal, immoral or fattening.. Reading the comment, i realized two things: I am already living outside of.. normative pressure.. radical grrl..

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  • Title: good girl habit | Rachel's Musings
    Descriptive info: When I first started participating in the Anar Dana Bay Area project, I was super excited.. Then I noticed that I wasn t doing the daily practice that I had put together.. It s the System, my Dear!.. November 21, 2012.. I ve been going through a big internal shift, it seems.. I don t quite fully understand it yet.. And i still lapse into self-judgment, though that is tempered by an increase in acceptance: Of myself, my good girl habit, my life,..  ...   that s keeping me stuck in a conventional life, ashamed of all sorts of things, and preventing me from embracing a more radical approach to life.. I also mentioned a couple of.. acceptance.. self-judgment.. Tools for Breaking the Rules.. November 18, 2012.. 3.. As i more consciously embark on dismantling my good-girl-habit, breaking inner (and outer) rules, and become more aware of the dissonance i am still carrying with me, i have noticed an increase in self-judgments.. I figured that the tools that.. lovingkindness..

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