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    Archived pages: 1233 . Archive date: 2014-06.

  • Title: Yankee Pot Roast
    Descriptive info: .. Wednesday, August 1, 2012.. —.. Recycled but Re-Relevant.. —.. Having Felled Gore Vidal with a Punch, Only to Hear the Line Words Fail Norman Mailer, Yet Again, Mr.. Mailer Can Only Come Up with Answers in the Car, on the Way Home.. Whit Coppedge.. No they fail you!.. As if they don t, as well, sometimes also fail you, too.. Sometimes.. Bore Vidal.. Just fuckin with you, man.. Yeah? Well, self-defense fails you.. Fat lips fail Gore Vidal.. [.. Note: could lead to retaliatory kiss.. ].. Maybe, but my fist is a success!.. Just wanted to see if a black eye twinkles.. Nice try, Myra Breckenridge.. I don t need that many as long as I ve got my favorite two: knuckle.. sandwich.. Yep - and as soon as you get up, they re gonna fail me once more.. Friday, December 16, 2011.. R.. I.. P.. , Hitch.. Amazon Rankings of Children s Books by Christopher Hitchens.. Mick Stingley.. Mommy s Not Going to Heaven and Neither Are You!.. By Christopher Hitchens.. Amazon.. com Sales Rank: #18 in Books.. Most Recent Customer Reviews:.. Finally! This is the definitive atheist and antitheist polemic teaching tool for children! A must-have for any contrarian who views religion as a devastating manmade conceit with which to subjugate the masses and suppress independent thought! Beautifully illustrated!.. The Adventures of Billy the Rapist and His Zionist Henchmen.. com Sales Rank: #324 in Books.. I m not really sure that this is suitable for children and, regardless of pages and pages of exhaustive pontificating about the occupation of Palestine I don t think my kid should be reading about a bunny character who rapes his interns! (Besides, what bunny rabbit has an intern?) This book is strictly.. neo-con pejorative allegory and I don t think it s suitable for the suggested ages of 4-8 let alone anyone.. Also, at 432 pages, it s a little long for a bedtime story.. Hiccup Harry and the Order of Leprechauns.. com Sales Rank: #457 in Books.. Even though this is a flimsy knockoff of.. J.. K.. Rowling.. , Hitchens has crafted a whimsical fairytale about a teetotaler with chronic hiccups who goes off the wagon after his parents are killed, and falls in with a group of leprechauns from the mythical Kingdom of Briarlande.. These Leprechauns are trying to reunite their fractured country after a group of evil separatists (lead by the nefarious Lord Galloward) launch a revolution and divide the country.. The story gets a bit lost in Harry s drinking adventures (he tells the leprechauns that he drinks to make others more tolerable) and some of the language is a bit strong for young readers; but it s a great read and sets the tone for the series as Harry embarks on a quest to unite Briarlande.. Dear God, How Come I m Not Funny?.. com Sales Rank: #502 in Books.. A series of diary entries told through the eyes of Tiffany Flustercluck, an angst-ridden Christian teenager coming of age in Scottsdale, Arizona.. Tiffany struggles with peer pressure, her newfound femininity and her genetic inability to make people laugh.. How will she ever get a boy to like her? Almost hilarious!.. Smokey Smoke-a-licious!.. com Sales Rank: #700 in Books.. This amazing picture-book follows Smokey around the country around as he smokes in public places, candy stores and milk bars! His parents warn him about the dangers of smoking, but Smokey doesn t get sick he gets smarter! Soon he s studying Trotsky and Jefferson and palling around with hot college girls at Georgetown! But what will he do when faced with a nationwide draconian law banning smoking in milk bars? What else? Appear on a million talk shows denouncing the archaic puritanical mollycoddling of the fascist germophobes, (or germofascists), who seek to rid the world of pollution by littering the streets with their uninformed pro-life screeds on health-care initiatives! Absolutely enchanting! My three-year-old loved it! We can t wait for the Broadway musical! A must-read for kids and disenfranchised smokers of all ages!.. * * *.. Other Entities That Are Not Great, According to an Inebriated but Still Quite Formidable Christopher Hitchens.. Daniel McArdle.. Alexander the Great.. A thieving, fanatical Albanian dwarf.. Wait.. That s what I said about Mother Theresa.. My usually encyclopedic memory has perhaps been muddied a bit by that third bottle of Black Label.. A buggering, megalomaniacal Macedonian midget.. There, that s much better.. Though one must concede that Alexander could famously imbibe gallons of the wine-skinned swill of his age and still remain standing nay,.. defiant.. a trait I wholeheartedly admire and endorse.. Raping and pillaging ones way across half the globe hardly qualifies one for greatness.. per se.. , though one could say that at least Alexander.. did.. something proactive, unlike the cringing, odious cowards of the Left.. They.. seem content to acquiesce and appease, like fucking Chamberlain kowtowing to.. das Fuhrer.. , while real men of courage like George W.. Bush and Dick Cheney stand and fight nay,.. volunteer.. for service in er well, regardless, I m.. still.. right about Iraq.. Fuck off.. The Great Wall of China.. This supposedly impenetrable structure hardly kept those fucking unwashed Mongols from invading and subjugating their supposedly divine middle kingdom.. Speaking of divinity, the Chinese insistence that their emperor was the son of heaven smacks of that most corrupt and pernicious of all evils,.. religion.. One could say the Chinese almost.. deserved.. to have the Mongols overwhelm them.. But saying so would infer the existence of the aforementioned divinity, in its infamous guise of retribution.. This quaint notion is of course paradoxically.. disproved.. by the success of immoral abominations as Henry Kissinger, Jerry Falwell, and that true pillar of fraud and malfeasance, Mother Theresa.. Alas, the impractical battlement is utterly.. porous.. when compared to the stalwart adamantine barriers against Islamofascism erected by the intrepid and prescient Mr.. Bush, much to the chagrin of my spineless antagonists on the Left, especially the intellectually stunted sycophants at.. The Nation.. They d.. like nothing more than to verily throw open the gates of western civilization to terrorists and jihadists nay,.. invite.. them in for fucking.. lemonade.. Virgin of course, lest they offend their guests fragile religious sensibilities.. As the great W.. C.. Fields once remarked, Never trust a man who doesn t drink ; the obvious corollary to this is.. always.. trust one who does, especially one who can drink enough for three stout men, yet still remain lucid nay,.. triumphant.. scattering his bleating rivals before him.. Wayne Gretsky.. A simpering Bambi narcissist.. Damn, that s what I called Princess Diana.. Seriously, can one be considered great based on one s excellence in a gross.. physical.. activity? Or in anything regarded by the unwashed masses as sport ?.. True.. fucking sport involves the verbal evisceration and humiliation of one s sputtering and overmatched foes, preferably in a charged public forum, before a gasping throng of cowed but fawning spectators.. Also he never had to contend with the vicious cross-checking and man-marking that Mario Lemieaux suffered through on a.. nightly.. basis.. One is reminded of the constant barrage from the caterwauling liberal press on the indefatigable Mr.. Bush.. Alas, the peace-mongering Canadians insistence on deifying the Great One is simply replacing one false god with another, though at least Gretsky has.. video evidence.. of his greatness , unlike Jesus or Mohammed, or that thieving bitch Mother Theresa.. Frosted Flakes.. The rabid frothing of their pathetic anthropomorphic tiger mascot notwithstanding, these flakes decompose in seconds into an insipid, over-sweet slurry, not unlike the sugarcoated pap generated by the insipid dolts infesting the cubicles at.. Now if you ll excuse me I have to get something.. solid.. to eat to help forestall an imminent buggering hangover.. Sod off.. Monday, September 19, 2011.. Fiction.. Your Subscription to Netflix Has Been Canceled.. Lucas Klauss.. T.. his.. e-mail will serve to inform you that your subscription to Netflix has been canceled.. We found out what you did, and we think it s disgusting.. This e-mail will also serve as notice that you are no longer a member of the Y.. M.. A.. The Y is a community organization and has served families in this area for more than a hundred years, while encouraging healthy lifestyles and active citizenship for all.. Naturally, we don t want someone like you hanging around.. Additionally, the state D.. O.. T.. is revoking your driver s license.. In the event of your death, you will not be allowed to donate your organs.. No one wants them anymore.. The session of jury duty you served last year has been stricken from the record and the case on which you served will be retried.. Had we known then what we know now, you would not have been called.. While your health insurance cannot be stripped from you, even under these circumstances, your provider has created a plan designed specifically for you that will not cover any expenses but will deduct a significantly higher amount from your paycheck every two weeks.. It s better than you deserve.. On second thought, you re fired.. Not to mention: Your dry cleaning has been incinerated, the remaining value of your gift cards and gift certificates has been electronically deleted, your contributions to various charities will be returned, your electricity will be shut off in three days, no one will compliment your appearance, all your jokes will fall flat, someone will vandalize the front door of your apartment, and  ...   Lauren Verlizzo.. is a teacher recovering from an injury, about which she writes lots of angst-ridden journal entries.. She has never been published, except for a poem about monkeys in her sixth-grade literary journal and a heartwrenching letter to the editor in the November 1, 2004, edition of.. New York.. magazine.. Memo: Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Guy.. O.. K.. , O.. ,.. I know it s five o clock, but seriously, they needed this yesterday.. This will take less than a minute, I swear to you, so let s bang this out real quick right now, O.. ? Great hold on (.. Into cellphone:.. ) Jimmy! Hi! I was just going to call you! Yeah, she s faxing it to you right now, right this second.. Of course I m sure.. (hangs up) O.. , so what do we have so far? Right, O.. , so.. Ahhhhhhhhm.. Ahhhhhhh, O.. , so we got Voldemort, right, the Death Eaters, you got that part already, right? What do you mean? Haven t you been listening? O.. , fine, so Voldemort and the death eaters and the Dementors, terrorizing London, yada yada.. Make it sound really good, really creepy.. Everyone s scared, you know, make it scary.. Ahhhhhhhhhhm.. Uhhhhhhhhhh.. , then, or, first, before that, Ralph Scrimihumma, right, Rufus, that s what I said, becomes the Minister of Magic Oh, and you got the thing with Weasley and What sherface, Hillary? Right, Hermione, that s what I said.. We ve got to make this good, so do you think you could please try to pay attention? Oh, but first, we gotta get in the thing about Harry s textbook, all the special spells, the Half-Blood Prince thingy, right, transcription, fine.. See, at the end of this, it s going to be great, there s the Dark Mark over Hogwarts, and What shisface gets killed, ooh, you ll love it, very scary, it s great.. You know, you really should have had this to Jimmy already, like, yesterday.. Ahhhhhhhhh, oh you got the thing about schmeckle, right, you know, whaddycallit, Snape, Severus Snape, right? Jesus, Shirley, are you even listening? Could you try to get this down? (.. ) Jimmy! You didn t? I ll have Shirley fax it again she s useless! (.. Hangs up.. ) I m kidding, you re great.. , where were we, ahhhhhhhhhhm, O.. , do a chart here.. Can we do it Excel? O.. , so it s Voldemort s four horcruxes that must be destroyed, and then like a chart and pie chart or something.. Fine, O.. Ahhhhhhhhhhh.. Ahhhhhhhh.. Then, it turns out that Fleineyfloo, Whatshisname, Alan Rickman, he s the Half-Blood Prince.. Brilliant, isn t it? And then, wait, you got the part with the Malfoy kid and how he s in cahoots with, you know, Schmuterbub, Whathisname, right? That s crucial, Shirley, please try to pay attention.. , get Jimmy on the phone right now.. , and you re getting this, right, so Hogwart s all messed up, it s perfect, we leave room for another sequel.. I m good, right? Good enough, fine, O.. , so read that back to me.. Amy Shearn.. s work has appeared or is forthcoming in.. Salt Hill.. Passages North.. 3rdBed.. , Lyric Review,.. Surgery of Modern Warfare.. Zulkey.. GutCult.. , and elsewhere.. Also, she can touch her nose with her tongue.. Y.. recycles its Pottery one last time.. Calendrical Happenings.. Happy Bastille Day!.. Reprinting some of Y.. 's Francophilia.. Sheen Machine: Every Single Episode of.. Two and a Half Men.. Ralph Gamelli.. Since the CBS sitcom is on hiatus in wake of Mr.. Sheen's galactic shitshow,.. hereby republishes all 177 episodes of ribald mediocrity, handily condensed into one easy page.. Money-Saving Holiday Shopping Tips from the Wizard of Oz.. Daniel Friedman.. I AM OZ, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE.. Those who come before me cannot help but to cower and quail at my flaming visage.. But I still have limits on my credit cards, and during these recessionary times, even mighty despots with enormous Heads have to count their pennies.. Poetry & Lyric.. It's a Wonderful Life.. : Alternate Ending.. Aaron Belz.. In which a middle-aged Harry Bailey, no longer a war hero and still depressed about his older brother’s attempted suicide, himself begins to consider jumping off a bridge but is interrupted by an absent-minded angel.. Kübler-Ross's Five Stages of Advent.. Justin Hook.. Days 1 – 10: DENIAL December already? IT’S CHRISTMASTIME! I wonder if any radio stations have switched to Christmas music yet.. I should go caroling this year.. How does that work--are there clubs? I definitely need to put up.. Happy Festival of Lights!.. Some Thoughts on Improving Hannukkah! (Let's settle on the spelling.. No more of that ".. ch.. " crap.. ).. Black Friday Doorbuster Specials at the Dollar Store!.. Trevor Macomber.. Knockoff brand names at F.. D.. -rejected Chinese brand prices! Yup.. We're gonna run this one every year.. How To.. Turducken Cookin': John Madden's Favorite Thanksgiving Day Feasts from Around the World.. Kyle Davis.. The football gourmand's recipes for Kangaby, Hippeleraffe, and Humanzee for your holiday feast.. Letter from the Editors.. Fall Vacation.. Back soon.. for reals!.. Amazon Rankings of Children's Books by Christopher HitchensMick Stingley Mommy's Not Going to Heaven and Neither Are You!By Christopher HitchensAmazon.. com Sales Rank: #18 in Books Most Recent Customer Reviews: "Finally! This is the definitive atheist and antitheist polemic teaching tool.. Your dry cleaning has been incinerated, the remaining value of your gift cards has been electronically deleted, your electricity will be shut off in three days, all your jokes will fall flat, and you will forget how to whistle.. I am Queens Blvd.. New & Noteworthy.. Summer Vacation!.. Back soon!.. Ben Bernanke's Gotta Feeling.. Tyler Stoddard Smith.. Enter the Black-Eyed Peas! You know the gang: Fergie, will.. i.. am, that curious hypeman of indeterminate Afro/Asian stock, and there's also one other guy.. With their mega-hit "I Gotta Feeling," the Peas hit the nail on the proverbial head with respect to what needs to happen in this country economically.. Wallace Stevens's.. Five Hundred Ways of Looking at the Indianapolis 500.. Joseph S.. Pete.. The modernist poet's take on the the Greatest Spectacle in Racing.. Teaching English in Europe: Conversation Prompts.. Conor J.. Dillon.. It's every teacher's nightmare.. Your students just won't talk!.. Well, loosen 'em on up with the following conversation prompts!.. Features.. Europa Europa!.. What a Rick Steves Travel Guide to Venice Would Look Like if Rick Steves Were Severely Agoraphobic / I've Decided to Start Acting More French / I Think I Need to Dispell Some Misconceptions about My Six-Foot-Tall Swedish Ladyfriend Who Happens to Be a Licensed Massage Therapist / European Hip-Hoppers / Temping in Vatican City /.. The Catcher in the Rye.. : The Unauthorized German Translation / Eurotrash / Part of Your Complete International Breakfast.. Listicles.. The Swiss Miss Index.. Amy Halloran.. Your guide to Swedes and Swiss.. Media Gadflies.. The 25th Hour.. A Y.. salute to.. 24.. Reviews for Kiefer Sutherland's.. 24: Live on Stage.. Justin Kahn.. "Very long.. ".. --Cleveland Play Review.. 50 Unanswered Questions on.. Lost.. Alex Bernstein.. What the hell is going on? Does anyone have any Dramamine?.. "Ripped from the Headlines.. ":.. Law & Order.. Signs Off.. Gladstone.. "A Successful Date Ends Badly for Dick Wolf, Creator of TV's.. " and "Letter to Chris Noth: 'Mr.. Big,' 'Detective Logan,' and Owner of N.. Y.. 's Cutting Room".. Terror Alert Levels if D.. S.. Snack Machines Had Been Broken.. Katelyn Sack.. Death to America by Chocolate.. Things I Have Done for a Klondike Bar.. Conor McKeon.. What would.. you.. do-ooo-oooo for.. ?.. Two Palindromes That Express Dislike for the State of Utah.. Palindromes! Palindromes!.. Things I've Said into Mirrors Recently.. Eliot Nelson.. You are interesting.. You have a great singing voice.. You are talking into a puddle of urine in the bathroom of a Ruby Tuesday's.. Poets Appealing to College Students.. Patrick Merryman.. "I Wandered as High as a Cloud" by William Wordsworth, and more.. So, You've Decided to Become a Drifter.. Curtis Edmonds.. The life of a drifter is lonely, hard and trying, but when you're lying there, sprawled across a bench at the bus station, you can take pride in knowing that you're helping other people feel better about their choices in life.. Quintus Masters, Apprehensive 19th-Century Whaler, Talks to Teenagers.. Sean Murphy.. What calamitous folly! Surely the scant rations of fresh water, biscuits, and turtle meat stowed on board are insufficient for sustaining the crew on such a long and treacherous endeavor.. Giant Radioactive Ant.. in Love (Excerpt).. Patrick Barb.. With the success of Stephenie Meyer's vampire abstinence parable novels, the.. Twilight.. series, publishers are scrambling to move forward with their own monsters-in-love novels.. Not-So-Famous Last Words.. Match the not-so-famous last words below with their famous speaker!.. Observations of Gregory Ash, Trash Culture Snob.. * When viewing paparazzi photos, refers the reverent diplomacy of JustJared.. com to the nihilistic insouciance of PerezHilton.. com.. Mother's Day Mayhem.. This year, Mother's Day is gonna be.. OFF THA HOOK!.. Nymphomaniacal Russian Ballerinas and Your New Baby: Suspicious Commonalities.. Both cry when they don't get what they want.. The Search-Engine-Optimized Marriage Proposal.. Jack Stuef.. Things changed when you came into my life.. You were my free credit report, and you showed me I had potential.. Our love is like Justin Bieber.. RSD.. |.. RSS I.. RSS II.. Atøm.. Spanish.. This journal is powered by.. Movable Typo 5.. 02.. ©.. MMIII—MMVIII,.. &.. Co..

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  • Title: Yankee Pot Roast: Recycled but Re-Relevant Archives
    Descriptive info: Recycled but Re-Relevant Archives.. Having Felled Gore Vidal with a Punch, Only to Hear the Line "Words Fail Norman Mailer, Yet Again," Mr.. , Mr.. Vidal.. Some tributes to the late, great Christopher Hitchens.. Will Leitch Is Winning.. Huzzah and kudos to Y.. 's pal.. Mr.. William Fauntleroy Leitch.. , whose new book,.. Are We Winning?.. , lands in bookstores today.. Earth Day.. Some Nature Haiku /.. Grand Theft Auto IV.. Tips for the Environmentally Conscious Father / The Effects of Global Warning / Ways in Which Sarah Palin Will Spin Massive Amounts of Snow to Mock Global Warming.. Four and Twenty.. Excerpts from.. Marijuana Magazine.. 's Special Issues / Big Deal! I Sold a Little Weed to Give My Kids a Better Future.. / Billy Mays Tries to Sell You Some Weed.. Kapitoil & Trouble.. Erstwhile Y.. contributor Teddy Wayne publishes a book.. A book!.. Passover Rehash.. Why should this night be different from all other nights?.. Hooray for Healthcare!.. Republishing some of Y.. 's most medicinal mirth.. March Madness 2010.. Reprinting some of our leftover basketball stuff.. : The Unauthorized German Translation.. Ken Krimstein.. Ja, so, dis is der story uf me, a young mensch who vanders arount New York mit dem red hat on mein kupf.. Hip-Hop Lit: New and Noteworthy.. Con Chapman.. Rapper 50 Cent will collaborate with a team of writers on a series of novels about life on the streets.. -rejected Chinese brand prices!.. Hallowe'en Rehash.. My Rejected Submission to.. Cosmo.. 's Halloween Issue, Entitled "How to Lose a Guy in One Spooky, Scary Night: Halloween Costumes for Those Wanting Out".. and.. What Not to Give Trick-or-Treaters on Hallowe'en Night.. So, What Is Not an International Zionist Plot?.. Daniel Brauer.. ".. " by President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad of Iran.. , William Safire.. Remembering the conservative wordsmith.. Dan Brown Day!.. 's most cryptic and sacrilegious conspiracies.. See You in September.. Back to School.. , John Hughes.. Some Good Possible Names for an Emo Band, Inspired by the 1986 Motion Picture.. Ferris Bueller's Day Off.. Yo, Joe!.. This year, in support of all our troops overseas, we're going with the most patriotic theme we could think of.. That's right: ".. G.. Joe: A Real American Hero.. "!!!!!!!!.. Comic Con.. 's geekiest Comics, Sci-Fi, and Fantasy stuff.. Recession Special!.. The Economy Issue.. Half-Blood Princery.. never misses the chance to recycle its Mudblood jokes.. Happy Birthday, America!.. Republishing some of our Founding Fathers' favorites.. Toys on Film.. Ridley Scott's.. Monopoly.. and other toy-to-film adaptations.. Whatever Works.. Will Layman.. Woody's Sketches for His Next Four Pictures.. Beating a Dead Horse.. (Triple Crown Equine Nomenclature).. Mike Richardson-Bryan.. Suggested Names for Racehorses Expected to Have Undistinguished Careers.. Things You.. Can Accomplish.. Should Have Accomplished Before Conan Takes Over.. The Tonight Show.. in 2009.. Will Layman Ed Fischer.. Five long years ago, Y.. 's cultural critics extraordinaire.. Will Layman & Ed Fischer.. analyzed some ".. Things You Can Accomplish Before Conan Takes Over.. ".. Memorial Day Mania Redux.. Pomp & Circumstance.. Congratulating the 2009 graduates.. Good luck with that whole employment thing!.. Angels & Demons & Da Vinci Codes.. Smothers Day.. Republishing Some Mother's Day Material for Dear Old Mom.. Paunchy, Balding Mutant Ninja Turtles.. Today marks.. the 25th anniversary of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.. , thereby making them.. middle-aged? (And, yes, you're old, too.. IV/XX.. "Excerpts from.. 's Special Issues" & "Big Deal! I Sold a Little Weed to Give My Kids a Better Future.. Passover/under.. What you can buy for two zuzzim.. Opening Day 2009.. 's favorite pastime.. Lá Fhéile Pádraig.. (St.. Paddy's Day).. St.. Pat's Facts and a Salute to Things Irish.. A Rant on the Blizzard.. Dennis Miller.. Brrr, how 'bout that snow out there, eh, babe? That's a lot of fuckin' snow, Cochise.. 's 2009 Academy Awards Thing.. A Look Back at the Year in Film.. Scorching V.. Hot stuff, comin' through.. Super Bowl XLIII.. In which we pretend to care who's playing.. So Long, Mr.. President: Bush Feet Under.. James Connelly.. The Final Moments of the George W.. Bush Administration.. Thank You, Mr.. President,.. Pt.. II.. Republishing some.. more.. of Y.. 's past tributes to our 43rd president and his awesome administration.. President.. Republishing.. (.. thankfully for the last relevant time.. ).. some of Y.. Etc.. 2008: The Year in Pot Roast.. Our annual  ...   to get your fix of grand old G.. partying, Y.. is republishing its coverage of the 2004 R.. in New York City.. Is It Shark Week Already?.. Picture It: Sicily, 1923.. Mamma Vostra!.. Dark Knight.. Double Feature!.. Reprinting two classic Y.. gems on account of Batmania.. How to (Re-)Write a Book.. Last night, over a hundred of Y.. 's friends and fans joined us at.. Ace of Clubs.. for a.. low-rent book launch party.. , to celebrate.. Underrated.. selling out its first print run in just over a week.. Big buckets of thanks to all who showed up (or sent well wishes from far away).. Deadspun.. 's sports-loving pals and erstwhile Black Tablers: Mr.. Will Leitch.. is.. retiring his jersey.. as editor of.. Deadspin.. to columnize for.. magazine, and Mr.. A.. J.. Daulerio.. will be sitting in.. the vacant Leitch-shaped ass crater on the.. chair in his absence.. Mazel tov, boys.. Indiana Jones and the Last Fucking One.. Indy's Getting Too Old for This Shit.. Mamma Mia!.. Grand Theft Oughtta.. Chance Cards in Liberty City Monopoly.. " by Mike Richardson-Bryan:.. You receive your cut from a jewel heist: collect $50.. Passovers Past.. Last year in Jerusalem.. Opening Day Rain Delay.. Easterly Eggs.. Just like Christ, these past pieces arise from the dead.. A Half Decade of Pot Roast (Pt.. V).. Aaand.. some more vintage Y.. IV).. Still more classic Y.. ha-has.. III).. Yet more Y.. classics.. II).. Presenting more gems unearthed from Y.. 's five-year-deep archives.. A Half Decade of Pot Roast.. That's right, this week marks five (5) long years that this humble journal has been publishing a daily(-ish) dose of the finest literary satire money can buy.. To celebrate, we're republishing some of our favorite past pieces.. Material to be Adapted Best.. Last night the Coen boys won three Academy Awards for their adaptation of Cormac McCarthy's gloomy neo-Western,.. No Country for Old Men (Ningún país para los viejos hombres).. McCarthy previously dissected his process for producing bleak, dreary masterpieces.. We're Rooting for.. There Will Be No Country for Junold Men.. Presenting some of Y.. 's Academy Award coverage from years past.. Presidents Day Sale.. Notorious Be Mines.. Valentine Affairs of the Famous, as Revealed by Their Love Sonnets.. The Grammys' 72nd Anniversary.. Highlights from the 2030 Grammy Awards.. Super Bowl Stupor.. Collecting Y.. 's coverage of Super Bowls past.. Defame.. This.. extends a great big bucket of mazel tov to Mr.. Mark Grahahm (the once-and-always.. Uncle Grambo.. ), now.. defaming Hollywood.. alongside Mr.. Mark Lisanti (the erstwhile.. Bunsen.. Gawk This.. Behold the rats.. scurrying from the sinking ship.. Mailer Meets Maker.. Norman Kingsley Mailer, the legendary writer and pugilist, now punching God in the face.. Rocking the WGA Strike, Pt.. 's archive of screenplays, treatments, pitches, and script coverage.. Happy Columbus Day (1492 Productions).. Nice Things to Say to Chris Columbus after Seeing.. Rent.. ," by Dale Dobson.. Rove Over.. Karl Rove, the Bush Administration's top scandal architect, is stepping down from his post to ".. spend time with his family.. Karl Rove's Ringside Boasts.. by Michael Rottman.. It ain't braggin' if you're a Republican.. Harry Potter and the Deathly Chamber of the Secret Sorcerer's Order of the Hollow Half-Blood Phoenix Stone Goblet Fire Magic Muggle Presto Blah Blah Blah.. Presenting one last round-up of Magic and Muggle parodies from Y.. 's past.. Die Hard with a Typewriter.. Die Hard.. Police Officer John McClane Prepares His Cover Letter for Admission to an M.. in Creative Writing.. by John Harnetiaux.. Look, I'll level with ya: I'm not writing this goddamned essay for any reason other than my wife Holly, so let's get that fuckin' straight right now.. Holly said something like, "John, you gotta get in touch with your imagination, John, you gotta express yourself more," and I was like, "What the shit you think I've been doing my last 20 years as a cop?!".. More!.. ].. Icky Thumping.. The White Stripes at the Hotel Yorba.. by Mr Steve Finbow, part of his excellent but occasional series,.. Pop Stars in Hotel Rooms.. Non-Fiction.. , K.. V.. Jr.. Yankee Pot Roast rewinds to the fall of 2005, when the Y.. Book Club skimmed and parodied the complete works of everybody's favorite crotchety old curmudgeon, Kurt Vonnegut Jr.. Main Index.. Archives.. Shreek of the Week of the Day..

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  • Title: Y.P.R.: Having Felled Gore Vidal with a Punch, Only to Hear the Line "Words Fail Norman Mailer, Yet Again," Mr. Mailer Can Only Come Up with Answers in the Car, on the Way Home
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  • Title: Y.P.R.: R.I.P., Hitch
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  • Title: Y.P.R.: R.I.P., Hitch
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  • Title: Yankee Pot Roast: Fiction Archives
    Descriptive info: Fiction Archives.. A Child-Prodigy Chemist, a Boisterous but Well Mannered Pirate, and Jean-Paul Sartre Trade Schoolyard Insults While Sharing a Lifeboat.. "The cooties!? No, no, it is the unwashed.. corsaire.. who carries the cooties, not.. moi.. Demotivational Speaker Murph Murphy Addresses the Cast of the Henry David Thoreau Middle School Production of.. West Side Story.. Chris Mah.. On Tuesday night, you will be faced with the formidable task of taking a beloved Leonard Bernstein classic and reïmagining it through your pre-teen eyes without reinforcing overtly racist Puerto Rican stereotypes.. Autobiography of a Douchebag: Epilogue.. , First Submission to the Editor.. Michael Nelson Price.. I've been to hell and back.. Sometimes hell doesn't look like hell.. Sometimes it looks like $5,000 bottles of Champagne and deep-fried foie gras from geese that were force-fed veal.. Sometimes hell is fucking delicious.. Sample Greeting Card Copy from Deadbeat Husbands.. David Henne Dan Young.. "I'm sorry I hit you at Arby's.. More Thirty-Second Mysteries with Jaguar Jones!.. Davy DeGreeff.. Jaguar Jones, detective-for-hire extraordinaire, stopped in his tracks at the shrill sound of a woman screaming in distress.. Local buxom young vixen, Brittany McBongos, burst through her front door wearing only a towel and ran straight into Jaguar's arms.. When Are You Going to Publish My Motherfucking Children's Book?.. I sent you guys a manuscript almost two fucking weeks ago and haven't heard dick yet.. What gives?.. The Future of Public Access Television Depends on.. You.. Whatever your TV tastes, we depend on you for support, because the N.. E.. won't even return our calls.. Batman's Financial Missteps.. Ken Saji.. Most of his money was tied up in real estate, blind trusts and his collection of pewter baby dishes, so to pay for the Batcave's modernization, Batman took out a sizable loan from his Hall of Justice 401(k).. My Second Day as a Somali Pirate.. Matt Rivitz.. You worry about me handling a gun, but if I was entrusted to help run a multibillion-dollar hedge fund at Lehman Brothers, I can use this thing.. Lesser-Known Stats from the 2009 Major League Baseball Season Courtesy of the Elias Sports Bureau.. Phil Andersen, C.. Since the club began tracking the statistic in 1996, Justin Russo, age 11 months, 23 days, became the fourth youngest Red Sox fan in Fenway Park history to utter a clearly audible "Jeter Sucks" at the Sox-Yankees game on August 21st.. Enslaved by the Bell.. : Greek Titans and Gods in High School.. Sam Burnett.. Euripides Nuts!.. Dionysus, Applebee's Server.. Nathan Pensky.. Our Red Apple Sangria will gush forth from these very walls over our shivering bodies.. Greenberg 2: Greenberg Down Under.. Greenberg is back and anti-social as ever!.. HBO's exclusive first look.. Novels Submitted for Consideration at a Literary Agency.. I have no previous writing credits, but my caseworker and my parole officer both read.. Last Breath.. and loved it.. Please send your offer of representation and the advance from the publisher within seven days.. I need the money to get my car out of impound.. Selections from Henry David Thoreau's Lost.. Walden.. Chapter: "The Last Month of Winter".. Russell Bradbury-Carlin.. Why didn't I bring anything with at least a little bit of color in it? My red bowtie? My nice set of blue drinking glasses?.. Charlie (Brown) Bukowski: A Short Biography.. Good Grief.. "Puppies for Sale" Fliers That Really Work.. For sale: puppy.. You can't tell by this photo, but this puppy looks EXACTLY like Denzel Washington.. Rejected Pitchfork Reviews.. Jamie King.. David Mamet on Death Cab for Cutie's.. Transatlanticism.. ; Shel Silverstein on Kanye West; Ernest Hemingway on Radiohead's.. Kid A.. ; and more.. Pitchfork Reviews Albums That Don't Exist.. Straight up: this album would be one of the more impressive debuts of 2010 if it was or ever had been created by a band that was at some point formed.. If Pitchfork.. com Reviewed A Pitchfork.. If you're looking for faults, start with the handle.. Sparks literally fly with such immediacy at the mere touch of the fiberglass handle that one wonders if Radius Garden thinks Coulomb's Law is nothing more than a prime-time network procedural drama.. Liberals are Ruining the World of Warcraft.. I'm Glenn Beck, the voice of the Real Azeroth.. Today, ladies and gentlemen, I want to talk about the Lich King.. The Toyota Tirades.. Nowhere in, on, or near the Prius does there appear to be an Obama bumper sticker.. Did you forget it? You didn't forget the voice-activated navigation system.. Now That You've Found My "Creepy".. Shrine: A Few Points for Rebuttal.. Ryan Durham.. While I feel it was inappropriate of me to have Photoshopped Robert Pattinson over your face in the pictures on my desk, I was hurt that you failed to notice the quality and detail of the vector mask that I employed.. The Olympian.. Jen Spyra.. I laughed when I realized that I was kind of drunk, because wouldn't I choose the night before my big day to challenge a motorcycle gang to a drinking contest.. Kanye the Cognoscente.. I'm really happy for you, I'mma let you finish.. Exclusive Excerpt from James Cameron's.. Avatari.. The director's prequel will tell the film's early videogame-era back stories.. Erratic Services.. Jimmy Chen.. Seeking MILF interested in mutual funds - m4w - 21 (Atlanta).. The Real Housewives of New Jersey Book Club:.. Catcher In the Rye.. "This book was O.. and everything but I'm kind of pissed off about something I read on the second page.. Tonight's Tasting Menu.. The flavor of the biscuit, infused with fennel and East European herbs, will be striking, perhaps even shocking, and may remind you of a moment of betrayal in your life.. Additionally, it will cleanse your mouth.. Aspects of Myself I Am  ...   You This Hot Babe" (front, with picture of gorgeous woman in bikini).. Everything That Enters and Exits Angelina Jolie: A Daily Ledger.. Owen Davis.. Beautiful mega-star and child-rearing extraordinaire Angelina Jolie ingests one veggie sandwich late this morning, an unnamed personal assistant reports.. Captain Ahab's Long-Lost Twitter Log.. Peter Waldron.. dreamt the beast again.. I, in the water.. From the inky deep he came, his open maw the very gate of Hell.. Woke to kippers for breakfast.. Yum.. Billy Mays Tries to Sell You Some Weed.. Kent Woodyard.. But wait! There's more! Say goodbye to disappointing highs, and let marijuana open your eyes! IT'S FAST! IT'S EASY! It's a one-stop-shop for all your avoidant and escapist tendencies!.. The Wartime Adventures of Benedetto "Little" Parisi.. Andrew Golden.. It was 1943, and the tide was finally starting to turn.. A small American vessel glided stealthily through the waters off the coast of the small Italian town of Passo Oscuro, seeking out a remote spot to make landfall.. Text Messages Sent Between Harriet Tubman, a.. k.. a.. Moses, and Leon Wilkes, a Running-Away Slave.. Ashley Smart.. The Underground Railroad Tweets.. Asshole High School Reporter Kristie MacDougal Buries the Lead.. Kurt Rademacher.. Extra! Extra! Becky Thelen Lands Lead Role in Competition Production of.. Grease.. ! Read All About It!.. John Irving Clarifies the DTV Transition.. Before killing himself, the talking bear mauls Tom Wolfe to death leaving the ersatz novelist's white suit bloodied and tattered.. Dan Brown's.. Angel Code and Daemons.. Neil Griffin.. Using real science and history, Dan Brown's latest page-turning thriller will make you learn while you read!.. The Afghanistan Government's Economic Stimulus Plan.. Eric Wiener.. Extra funds will be invested in environmentally friendly "sand-colored" jobs as well as toward a ruler to help draw an energy grid.. How I Unwind.. Mot Trablett.. Today is gone but soon tomorrow will come and turn into today.. Then today, formerly know as tomorrow, will become yesterday.. Which reminds me of a song by Paul McCartney titled "Monkberry Moon Delight" from the album.. Ram.. Wallace Stevens v.. My Grandfather.. Martin Bihl.. My grandfather's correspondence contesting an erroneous charge with Wallace Stevens, Vice President of the Hartford Insurance Company and influential Modernist poet (winner of the National Book Award for Poetry in 1951 and 1955).. The Internal Monologue of Someone Looking for Waldo.. Mick Ramsey.. Nothing like Waldo, Cave man, Sort of Waldo, Nothing like Waldo, Mass amount of people wearing red and blue.. Friday Doorbuster Specials at the Dollar Store!.. Online Reviews of Really Confusing's, Neighborhood Bar and Grill.. "The shrimp quesadillas were incomprehensible.. Diablo Cody Tells a Joke.. First of all, I am so not worthy of this.. I mean, now that I'm all problemed-out Hollywood-style, it's queer (not gay) for me to hang out and just talk or whatevs.. Wait--hold on--I'm going to Tweety-Tweet like Sylvester is raging!.. Unintended Consequences of Six Oft-Forgotten Tariffs.. Mary Phillips-Sandy.. The Tariff of 1828 (a.. "the Tariff of Abominations").. What Jacob Lovelace Posted on.. jacoblovelacemoviefan.. After He Asked for a Copy of the Awesome Martial Arts Documentary.. Future Punch.. for His 14th Birthday and His Douche Dad Got Him.. Back to the Future Part III.. Instead.. Crispin Best.. Trivia.. : Most people don't realize this movie actually sucks!!!.. Curious Factoids Revealed by Presidential Historian Doris Kearns Goodwin Following An All-Night Presidents' Day Pub Crawl.. Frank Santopadre.. To soothe his jangled nerves before an important speech, Andrew Jackson would often toss a small Seminole child into the Potomac.. Job Opening for a Villainous Time-Traveling Sidekick.. Applicant must be punctual, detail-oriented, and have a decent grasp of the diabolical.. Clinical Internet Porn Site Review.. B.. Freret.. Overall, these video clips are well made, the subjects attractive and in apparent good health, and the overall experience positive.. That is not to say, however, that this footage is without fault.. The Many Permutations of Public-Radio Pledge Drives.. What's the matter? You don't have time for WBCD anymore? I see the way you go traipsing around with that easy-listening station.. Anne Frank: Observational Comic.. Kelly Conaboy.. Have you noticed how, recently, it's like everyone hates Jews? What's.. that.. about?.. My Wife--A Former Speechwriter in the Bush Administration--Reflects on the State of Our Union.. Failure now will only embolden our therapists.. The Coach of the Washington Generals Addresses His Team Before a Game.. We simply don't get enough timeouts to take one every time they stick a ball up the back of one of our jerseys.. Conversations with the Brave Voice in My Head.. Micah Cratty.. Hey, man, this guy is totally disrespecting your girlfriend.. You should say something.. Today Is My Last Day.. Omar B.. As many of you know, today is my last day as a paralegal at the firm.. I have learned so much from all of you over the past ten years.. It is very unlikely that the homicide of which I was convicted was committed by me.. Tom Cruise Brought to You By.. David Orr.. I love talking about my movies.. Love it! However, I'm also here today to talk about the major corporate sponsor of my movie, Spam.. Thomas Jefferson and Alexander Hamilton Share a Rather Contentious Carriage Ride During a Sudden Downpour, 1791.. Founding Father Fight!.. Playoff Scenarios.. If the Eagles beat the Cowboys and the Buccaneers lose to the Raiders and the Bears lose to the Texans, or the Vikings lose to the Giants, then Philadelphia is in.. Big-Name Writer's Writing Seminar.. Dave Fragments.. I've called you all here today to because I miss Bradley Whitford and I need some hacks to write scripts for a new politically oriented sitcom where all the pretty actors endlessly bicker with each other and make inane social commentary on world affairs.. Guest Editors..

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  • Title: Y.P.R.: Your Subscription to Netflix Has Been Canceled
    Original link path: /archives/2011/09/your_subscripti_1.html
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  • Title: Y.P.R.: And Entourage Is Back Again.
    Descriptive info: Chat Room.. Brendon Lloyd.. arygold666:.. hey E vince might not get the movie pls hold.. [_E_]:.. O NOEZ WHAT R WE GOING TO DO DAMN TERTELZ QUIT SPENDING ALL THE MONEY WTF.. tERTELZ:.. man why u gotta h8.. ***.. VINCE_CHASE.. has entered.. VINCE_CHASE:.. hey u guys whats wrong.. nothing.. DR4M4:.. i made nachos.. kk lets go to the party.. has left.. [_E_].. tERTELZ..  ...   the movie.. OMG I THOT HE WOULD NOT LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!@#!@.. NEW MOTORCYCLES AND SEX WITH LADIEZ 4 EVERY1!!!!.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.. has trouble opening up to people.. Maybe it s because he puts up emotional walls to protect himself from being hurt.. It all started in his childhood, which is actually a long story.. But he will tell it to you if you really want..

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